An Oklahoma Man Was Found Digging Against the Wall of the County Jail With a Shovel. He Told the Deputy He Was Trying to 'Plant a Flower' for His Incarcerated Girlfriend. Running His Name Turned Up a Warrant. During Booking, Officers Found a Fire-Starting Rod Hidden in His Rectum.

Minervini-Blue, a man with an active warrant, chose to conduct his shovel work at the perimeter of a detention center — the one address guaranteed to surround him with the people most interested in his name — and supplemented the plan with a concealed fire-starting rod, in case the digging at the jail had not generated sufficient questions.

Source: FOX 25 Oklahoma City

A Burglar Caught Red-Handed in Stoke-on-Trent Handed the Stolen Bicycle Back to Its Owner and Said 'Sorry Bruv.' He Was Convicted Anyway. He Still Lives With His Parents.

Shaw's instinct upon being caught — to return the merchandise and apologize — correctly identified that he had done something wrong while entirely failing to grasp that the apology does not retroactively unmake the burglary that preceded it.

Source: Stoke Sentinel

A Man Casually Cleared the Drinks Shelves of a West London Greggs on Camera, Then Returned Later the Same Way to Finish the Job. The Second Visit Was Also on Camera.

Gosling treated the Greggs refrigeration unit as a personal allocation he had not yet fully collected, returning for a second helping in front of the same cameras that had recorded the first, on the theory that a crime scene improves with familiarity.

Source: Daily Mirror

A Man Arrested on Cocaine Charges and Held Inside a Police Station Was Overheard Instructing His Girlfriend by Phone to Clear the Drugs From the House. Officers Intercepted Her With 2.2 Pounds of Cocaine Worth $100,000.

Hayes chose to coordinate the disposal of his cocaine over the phone from inside a police station — a building staffed entirely by people whose profession is overhearing exactly that conversation — and thereby directed law enforcement to the $100,000 they had not yet found.

Source: Lake & McHenry County Scanner

A Kingman, Arizona Man Met Someone on Social Media Who Steered Him Into a Crypto App Showing Fabricated Returns. He Handed $113,000 in Cash to a 'Courier' He Identified by a Photo of a One-Dollar Bill. After He Reported It to Police, the Scammers Kept Asking for More.

The man authenticated the stranger collecting his life savings by matching a photo of a one-dollar bill — a verification ritual that confirmed only that both parties had agreed on a password — and concluded from a screen of fabricated numbers that he, specifically, had found the rare online investment that pays out, a belief the scammers were still testing for more money after he had already called the police.

Source: News 3 Las Vegas

A Truck Driver Crawling Down a Pennsylvania Highway at 5 MPH Solved His Problem by Calling the State Police to Report That He Was High on Cocaine and Methamphetamine and Needed to Be Arrested. They Obliged.

The driver faced a problem — being impaired behind the wheel — that the minimal effort of pulling over and saying nothing would have substantially contained, and chose instead to expend the additional effort of phoning the state police to request his own arrest, which they were able to arrange.

Source: Explore814

An Ohio Homeowner in The Villages Crashed His Golf Cart Into a Fence While Allegedly Highly Intoxicated, Injuring Himself. He Was Charged With DUI.

Galloway operated a golf cart at a level of intoxication sufficient to lose a contest with a stationary fence, in a community that has constructed its entire transportation system around the golf cart precisely so that residents need not drive impaired — an accommodation he declined in favor of the fence.

Source: Villages News

The Standing Dataset Holds: KeroNgb's 'DUMBEST Students In The USA' Survey Returns No Improvement

Source: YouTube / KeroNgb