A Chico Woman Allegedly Stole From a Parked Car, Fled Across a Creek to Shake Pursuit — and the First Backyard She Entered Belonged to an Off-Duty Police Officer

The creek is not the point. The creek is scenery. The point is the confidence required to select an escape route — to scan the surrounding geography and determine, yes, that yard — and to be wrong in the most complete way available to a person in that situation. Every burglar picks a neighborhood; this one picked the neighborhood with the off-duty officer. Every fugitive crosses an obstacle; she crossed one to reach the cop rather than to escape one. The four warrants suggest this is not an isolated error of navigation but a settled method. She arrived with four outstanding problems and departed with a fifth. The creek did not slow her down. It delivered her.

Source: New York Post

A Virginia Beach Martial Arts Master — Former Certified Instructor at UpLevel Martial Arts — Was Being Chased by Four Police Officers on the Beach at 2 a.m. When He Deployed a Spinning Back Kick at One of Them. The Officer Ducked

A spinning back kick requires commitment. You must rotate your entire body away from the target before the strike can land — a moment of total exposure, all resources wagered on the kick connecting. Against a trained officer who has been chasing you, surrounded by three colleagues, at two in the morning, in the sand, on a beach: the kick did not connect. The officer ducked because officers duck. Years of training, a certification, a formal title — master instructor — and the application, at the moment of crisis, is a technique that works best when the other person does not know it is coming. Four officers knew it was coming. So did the camera.

Source: New York Post

A Michigan Woman Shoplifted a Bottle of Chardonnay, Concealed It on Her Person at the Store — and the Jail Found It During Intake Processing

There is a kind of problem-solving that succeeds at the wrong problem. She solved the retail-floor detection problem with some ingenuity and what must have been considerable discomfort. She did not solve the jail-intake detection problem, because the jail-intake search exists precisely to find the things people believe a body cavity will protect. The wine cost what a bottle of Chardonnay costs. The concealment charged a different price. The relevant question — was this bottle worth it — can now be answered with empirical precision, and the answer involves two criminal charges and an audience of county corrections officers.

Source: New York Post

Andrew Gillum — Who Told Reporters in 2020 He Had 'Never Used Methamphetamines' After Being Found in a Hotel Room With Them — Was Arrested Thursday in Alabama With Three Grams of Meth, a Bong, Eight Pre-Rolled Joints, Four Cut Straws, and Three Pipes

His statement was not technically false at the moment he made it, and then it became one, and now it has been falsified twice in the same way in separate states. The interesting detail in Thursday's inventory is not the meth — the meth follows from the meth — but the four cut straws. A man who is already in possession of three pipes and a bong has achieved coverage. Four cut straws represent supplemental planning: a person who understood that the occasion might require more than the occasion seemed to require. This is not primarily a story about hypocrisy, which is common. It is a story about a man who made a public statement, discovered the difficulty of maintaining it, and chose to redouble the difficulty rather than revise the statement.

Source: New York Post

The Clerk of a Long Island School District Allegedly Tore Up Ballots and Smuggled Them to a Dumpster to Help the Incumbent Board President Win Re-Election. The Incumbent Board President Is Also a DJ. His DJ Name Is Vic-Lover. He Won by 81 Votes

The Hempstead UFSD controls the education budget of one of New York's most consistently troubled school districts. The election to determine who oversees that budget has produced, according to the investigators, a ballot-destruction operation, a 51-page report, a DA's criminal probe, a state-ordered re-run, and surveillance footage of the board president arriving the evening before the vote with a folder of ballots. The man on whose behalf this machinery allegedly operated also books private events as DJ Vic-Lover. The ambition required is not grand. It is a folder, a dumpster, and the assumption that no one would look. That is exactly what makes it worth noting: not the scale, but the confidence. The confidence that a school board seat, a DJ side business, and a trash can constitute a sufficient plan.

Source: New York Post

Lawsuit: A Charleston Magistrate Rearranged Her Office So the Constable Would Always Be in Her Line of Sight — and the Clerk Warned Him Nobody Would Believe It

Every word here is allegation, so mark the conditional tense and hold it. But grant the complaint its premise for a moment and the architecture is the point: not the flirtation but the furniture. A bench's authority is supposed to arrange the courtroom; the suit says it arranged the office instead, sight-lines calibrated to appetite, with a functionary posted at the exit to explain that the truth would be unemployable. Power does not usually announce itself in gavels. It announces itself in who gets told, quietly, that no one will believe them.

Source: Live 5 News (WCSC)

KeroNgb Presents Another Cohort of Confident Students Who Cannot Name the Capital of France or Identify a Single U.S. President — the Silence Between Each Question and Each Answer Is Where the Tuition Went

Source: KeroNgb / YouTube